For a while, I had a “people-pleasing” dog. For the first few years of her life, when she learned that her behavior caused a negative reaction, she simply would not repeat it. Over time however, she grew comfortable with us and now in year 8 of her life, I’m quite certain she has completely recovered from her people pleasing ways.
I am not too different from her, on one hand I’m desperate to be pleasing to others but also in my complacency and trust of others, I can grow so comfortable and sure of my relationship that I am no longer on my best behavior. I know that if and when I mess up I will be received with grace and remain in good standing.
Sometimes as people pleasers, we grow to love the idea of being in “good standing”
with others so much that unknowingly we become addicted to the feelings that come with
acceptance and praise that we will do anything to keep those pats on the back coming. It
isn’t just praise and acceptance that motivates us but fear that becomes the driving force behind
our behavior.
The story of Aaron and the golden calf in Exodus 32 serves as a reminder for believers when it
comes to the lengths that we will go to avoid feeling uncomfortable in the crowd, how fragile our
conviction can be and the price we may pay for giving in.
People Pleasing can be impulsive
Interestingly in the narrative, the instant that the people told Aaron that they needed something
he hopped to it. It wasn’t just anything, it was an idol. Aaron’s automatic response was to give
the people what they wanted. My guess is that Aaron had a long-time habit of keeping the
peace and probably felt a little discouraged himself which is a recipe for a quick decision that
will make the most people “happy.”
Fear
Aaron was quickly consumed by the fear of losing control (Ex. 32:22).
Other common fears that we face and Aaron likely faced are-
Fear of rejection- As a leader, he needed the people to be “happy.”
Fear of abandonment- where was Moses anyway?
Fear of criticism- Aaron was quick to justify his actions before Moses, and he gave the people
what they wanted to avoid criticism (judgment)
If you are often faced with an overwhelming need to be in good standing with the people around
you, you can probably easily add to this list of fears that motivate you to manage the emotions of
others, and you might even risk it all to do so.
Distance from God creates weakness
The Israelites had been physically apart from their leader and seemingly this made them feel
distanced from God. Moses beckoned them to know God and the more space they had between them
and God left more space for seeds of doubt and fear to grow.
Sound familiar? The distance between us and our savior leaves space in our lives to easily
forget what the Lord has done for us. After all, the Israelites had just experienced miracles from
God but in just a little over a month they were scrambling for a new god that could offer them
some hope.
Our time and proximity to the Lord is precious. We know that if we draw near to him He will draw
near to us and his nearness brings courage (James 4:8).
Examine your heart
“Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith (2 Cor. 13:5).”
In taking the time to truly examine our hearts we may uncover the fears that plague us. With our fears
realized, we can combat those fears with truth from God and an otherwise split-second decision to
preserve ourselves can transform into a meaningful experience where we bring God glory and enjoy our
peace and security in Him.
Catherine Griffin
LPC associate